Today is the second day on my road to recovery. The road to recovery is multifaceted. There is the physical recovery or getting back it shape, the spiritual recovery and there is the emotional recovery. Who said this was going to be simple. As I said, I really have fallen.
The physical recovery is pretty simple but hard work. Here is what I have done in the last couple of days.
5:30 am... 50 Push Ups followed by a couple cups of coffee and a serving of oatmeal with honey.
Dinner... awesome leftovers of...lightly breaded chicken, pasta w/simple red sauce and green beans.
5:00 am... Arms hurt, pecs burn = only 30 push ups followed by a couple of coffee and a serving of oatmeal with honey.
Lunch... pretzels, orange and Gatorade 2 servings
Dinner... some Polish sausage and a pirogi.
After dinner workout 1 hour on the bike on the trainer. Man it sucked. I forgot how tough a trainer can be. It truly emphasizes how out of shape I allowed myself to get.
Snack... some of Claudia's homemade hummus and vegetables
My spirtual recovery started with me getting back to the Bible. Specifically the book of James. The book of James is my favorite book of the Bible. God truly speaks to me through this book.
The first passage I always turn to is James 1:2... Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.
The passage tells us to turn to God when we face struggles of any size. What do I do, I turn to my knowledge, my own devices and my folly. I travel farther away from God. That is where I fall all the time. I let pride get in the way.
So why should we call it pure joy. In the following passages it tells us that the testing of faith develops perseverance and perseverance produces maturity.
Thus, the struggles that we encounter grow us and we should be joyful in the maturing process. Instead, we focus on the struggle and wallow in it.
What should have my response have been. I should have turned to God, prayed and asked what God was trying to show me. I should have been still and listened to what He was teaching. What did I do, what I always do. I turned to me and my authority. Isn't this what got this whole sin thing started in the first place. Not listening, not following and eating the apple. The original fall.
So, the spiritual recovery has started. I will be still, I will listen and I hope I learn.
The emotional won't be so easy. I am hurting more than I ever have. I have alienated people who once loved me or called me friend. I am confused about many things and lost in many ways. The journey starts with reconciliation and repentance. It starts with saying sorry and waiting. The emotional healing will take time. I know that as I grow nearer to God again that He will heal me.
Monday, December 12, 2011
I have to say this has been the toughest 9 months of my life. I finished RAAM, helped with a church project and lost some friends. It seems that my world has crumbled around me. I have had to do a lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking and a lot bike riding. Needless to say, I have lost a lot this year. The worst thing is I have lost my confidence and I have lost my way. This is going to be a long journey back. The problem is I really don't know when it began and I got my foot on the wrong path. Follow my journey back and find out why I have become the Fallen Cyclist.
|Finish of RAAM, Never felt so alone!|