Monday, November 19, 2012

Damn, that hurt!

Some people that are close to me know I suffer from pain continuously. I have had back pain for over 15 years. I herniated multiple discs in my back in my early 20's which led me to be very slothy (if that isn't a word I get the credit). I gained weight, smoked a lot and took to lots of pain meds. There were days that I couldn't even pick myself off the floor. I had succomed to the pain and led my life by it. After several years of crawling on my hands and knees, looking like a question mark when I walked, and threatened with serious back surgery, I changed. I bet my close friend that I could run a 4 minute mile. He laughed and I took it as a challenge. I needed that challenge to change my life. I litarally stopped smoking that day and began running. I began running every day no matter the pain. I also stopped taking the pain meds. Was that a harsh withdrawal.

As the days of running went on I dropped a lot of weight, kicked the smoking habit and under went some personality changes. I didn't know how the pain and the pain meds had changed my personality. I wasn't any fun to be around. I am surpised by how many people stuck by me and still are my friends today.

After Race Across America, I didn't feel like my old self. I was tired, in pain and I noticed that I wasn't me! I knew what it was and didn't want to admit it. The pain was bad again and I wasn't me again. For the first time I went to see a Chiropactor. They took the xrays before they would proceed with treatment. Then I got the news I really wasn't ready for. I had lost a disc. The disc had disintagrated over time and the ones that were herniated above that disc where also going to be gone soon. Then there was more. My neck, yes, my neck. I had herniated a few discs in my neck.

So, now I am bone on bone with future discs to desolve away. I will probably look like one of those old men who perpetually looks on the ground as I walk.

So, why the flash back. I had a set back last week. Yes, back pain. It was hard to stand it was hard to sit. It was just pain. So, I stopped training for a couple of days, actually 3 days. I am back at it this week and yes the pain is still there. It is less. But it is still there it will never go away.

Now, I am at a cross roads. Do I give into the pain or do I carry on.

Carry on. I can't change my spine. I can't make it better. What I can do is stay fit and not carry any extra weight then I should. I also need to keep my core strong.

Yes, I will cycle on! I need something to keep me in shape. It is a love of mine and it's my addiction. When I ride I feel no pain. The world is stripped away and the pains of life are no longer there. Stress is gone.

God has given me a new life in Him.  I have a second chance because of Him. I know He has something He wants me to do. The greatest joy is being in His will. I know he will use my 2 wheels for something awesome. I know He will use this pain for His purpose. I thank Him for all my days with pain and without.

Did I ever run that 4 minute mile? No, I feel short. My fastest mile is a 5:45.

Credit to Big G. He carries me! I am because He is.

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